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A wealthy man needed a brain transplant. His doctor said he had two choices. One was a college professor at the cost of $10,000. The second choice was a famous politician for $500,000. The patient asked why so expensive? The doctor replied, "It's never been used!"
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A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
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A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
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A man & wife entered a dentist's office.
The Wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
You're a brave woman said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is.
The wife turns to her husband and says "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
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The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.
Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."
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The police officer got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the officer said.
The kid replied, "Well, I got here as fast as I could."
When the officer finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
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Little Funny: Down a Country Lane.
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. As they came to a muddy part of the road, their car got stuck.
After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen. He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50.
The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free.
The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer,"When do you have time to plow your land? At night?"
"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."
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